Chicken

For school we had to read Tomorrow When The War Began.
I loved it and have started to read the rest of the series.
It makes me think, what would happen if I were in Ellies shoes?

I have only just started to learn how to drive, im a teenager with teenage problems.
Like does that guy like me, Do I like him?
Should I spend an extra ten dollars and get the better dress?
Or should I save that money and use it for that new jumper?

Then the guilt sets in, Guilt of how can I be worrying about guys and clothes when so much is happening in the world?

How can I be using my life so selfishly?

Why don't I just ask the guy out? Why don't I just buy the dress and the jumper?
Why am I being such a chicken about things that are so trivial?
Why am i not doing more with my life?

How can someone be so blind to their own stupidity?

People die.
Its a fact.
We are here and then we are gone.
The thing that matters is making the most of your time here as you can.

So I need to stop being chicken,
I need to live my life,
Because I never know when it could end.

Kathleen Armstrong

we all will

I recently wrote this poem, its not happy, its not cheerful but it means something to me...

Im dying from loss of blood
My sight is becoming speckled with black dots as the world i once loved fades as i do
My chest, the pain, the smells of death engulf me
Pushing, kicking, screaming
My body twiches against the pains
Fighting for life
But theres nothing i can do
Im doomed to die
I have lost too much blood
The feeling in my hands fades and they grasp at my wounds trying to save their vessle
But as i loose control of my legs and the darkness becomes too much
I stop thrashing
I stop screaming
I stop living

Maybe its too dark and deathly, but not all the world is. There is good and bad, sometimes we have to look at the bad to focus on the good...

Kathleen Armstrong

slime

Do you remember the last time you made slime?
Do you remember the feel of the coloured goo slip through your fingers?
But that coloured goo could also become as hard as a rock... until it lost its shape and seeped through your spread fingers.

Sometimes i think life is like slime, you could have this amazing big ball of happiness, until you stop molding, and it looses its hardness, turns glossy and slides away. You will slowly try to get it back but all it will do it slip and slop everywhere as you frantically clasp you hands trying to get it all back you just make it worse and lose it all.

Don't stop molding, because loosing your happiness is like loosing life.

Kathleen Armstrong

spiders

When you know you have to let go of something, you want to hold on to it. You never want to let it go. Because change is hard. Change is different. Change is change and people generally try to avoid change. Why do we?

We avoid thing that are different because we dont know how it will effect us. Alot of the time, people will tell you what things do, for instance... someone telling you that spiders are dangerous. You don't want to go near the spider because you don't want to put yourself in in front of danger. Some people are arachnophobic, are so scared of spiders they CANNOT stand to be anywhere near them, or somewhere where they could be. Some people act this way about change. They hate it, dont know what to do when it happens.

Certain people expect you to be good at change, but to some people change is like a spider to an arachnophobic. I dont know the technical name for the fear of change, but i do know that no matter how bad it may seem, change is sometimes for the better :)

Kathleen Armstrong

New Years Resolutions

What do you do on New Years?
Do you get drunk is celebration?
Do you party with your mates?
Do you spend it with your boy/girlfriend?
Do you simply celebrate at home?
Do you celebrate at all?

Why is it cause for celebration?
Its just the end of a month, a day... do we celebrate those?
So why do we celebrate the end of a year?
Is it to commemorate all the memories you had in that year?
Is it to start fresh?

You don't have to wait for the new year to start a fresh, or to quit smoking/drinking or to start that new diet.
You don't need the new year to change your life, all you need it the will to do it.

Kathleen Armstrong

reality... is it where we want to be?

Have you ever felt like your the main character on a television show? Like everyone in a world outside of yours can watch you? Like your in a world thats a simulated reality? That wherever reality is it's got to be better then yours? Well, I have and its true in a way, that we are all in our own reality.

We all have our own opinions on the world, and ways that we see it. No-one really knows what is happening inside your head apart from you. you could be talking to someone and thinking that they are interested in what your saying... but in there head they just want you so shut up. You don't know what they think, you don't shut-up. Thats why people have voices, to tell people to shut up, that they are not interested. But people also know how to lie.

Everyone lies, they think that its better to lie the tell the truth, but lies can only get you so far, in the end we all find out the truth.

Kathleen Armstrong

To Gain or To Lose

Everyone always thinks of all the things they have either lost or gained. It's hard not to. When we think of all the things we have lost over our years of life it puts us in a bad place, sometimes it makes us cry. When we think of all the things we have gained over our years of living its hard not to smile. When we lose a person from our life some people curl up into a ball and cry, other may pretend that it never happened and live in denial. Some people are optimists, they accept the persons death as think of all the good things that they have had with them.
Its different when a person leaves, going on to other things in their life. It's hard to mourn someone who hasn't really gone. You will still be able to keep in contact with them, even if its just asking how they are. But you will not have the same sort of relationship that you had with them again. To make things worse you know someone else will have to replace them. You don't want them too, you want to hold on to the person whom you miss. But after a while you find it hard to push them away, you start to like them. You let them in, and you get too know them. They become a person you like and you know take for granted. Then all too soon they are gone from your life, moving on to do other things, impossible to mourn. You know you had slowly gained a friend, but then all too soon lost them again.

Try not to take people for granted, you don't know when they may leave.

Kathleen Armstrong

monkey talk

It's funny how one day everything may seem like its perfect, you know its not but you hope it is. Something happens, your perfect world shatters before you feet and your left to pick all the pieces. Some people would try to take the easy option. They would blow the pieces away not knowing that all too soon the wind would change and blow them back into their face, fierce and frayed, impossible to fix.

People change just like the earth spins.

One day you will be talking to someone who you may classify to be one of you better friends. You know basically everything about them, they know so much about you. You have let them into your world, the thing that is your being, only to have them rip and tear up your insides beyond recognition.The person you had grown to know so well is gone, only to be replaced by someone you fail to recognise. When you go to talk to them its like talking to a monkey. You both know its awkward, and there is very little common ground. All you can really do is laugh and walk away.

But maybe give them a banana first.

Kathleen Armstrong

Blades of Grass

When I think of something really tranquil, I think of blades of grass, bending slowing as the wind pushes and pulls them around. When you are feel like screaming to the top of your lungs because something or someone is really pissing you off beyond reason it's nice to think about something like blades of grass. You know that those blades of grass don't have to deal with what you are going through, that they are at peace with the world, complete and utter peace. It makes you want to get out of there, leave that person/ thing and just run. Run far away, to where the blades of grass play and sway softly in the breeze. To your place of tranquility.
Sometime thats all we need. A little bit of tranquility, or a salvation, to get away from all those things that make you want to scream.